Merry Christmas?

Not so much.  But let us walk down a nostalgic lane for about 2 minutes…

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Imagine some “metaphoric” moments in my life with me… the elf is aka ‘life’ tells me:  “This is whatcha get, move along, there are more kids behind you” and shoves me up the stairs a tad, as I freeze, knowing what I need to say, but choking when asked: “What do you want little girl?”… landing in some cool & not so cool churches… with teachings in self-sacrifice, 💭 daydreamer me: we get what we deserve, Elf: ‘Shut it, kid’.  Me/Ralphie:  this highly sensitive, deep thinking, spiritually unsettled kid with high hopes and dreams. In this Christmas Story, Santa is God or the Universe (metaphorically).

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Anyhow, as far back as I can remember…  I think I used to “think” I knew” – Right vs Wrong, and I believed would always choose Right (given a choice). If I could not control my vulnerability to assert myself and make myself more “tolerable” as a personality as I got older – I would find a way to use my cautionary tale life 😉 to benefit others.

Ralphie:…  I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle! Santa Claus: You’ll shoot your eye out, kid. Santa Claus: [Santa pushes Ralphie down the slide with his boot] Merry Christmas. Ho!Ho!Ho!   {slides down ‘dumb-founded’}

Back to reality, awaken to Life kicking us in the teeth, per the usual, we laugh at ourselves 24/7, because it makes it all less Real (we almost die)… Then dig in, pray, hope to Affirm our purposeful requests to our Creator … – But the requests or decisions we make, harm us, and Life kicks us – down the tunnel …we slide – even farther behind than we started… ironically, the climb to the top starts all over.  *Classic Pun*

I have been out of touch with most people since October 2017. This post may have sad undertones, but not completely sad, just not ‘feeling’ much Christmas Spirit this year.  I grieve for multiple things… and merely needed to punctuate how I felt this Christmas Eve-Eve, and how blessed I am to be in a position to look back at my life and ‘some’ of the pain in becoming UnBreakable.  Making slow changes… or rapid depending on your vantage point, but I am thankful for the inner strength to pick up and begin again.

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