keep going

There are many valid excuses to pack up, shut my mouth or walk away from a fight or two right now.  With the cancer, unfortunately, not much can be done besides more self-care.  Must stay alive and don’t forget… stay toxic-environment + stress-free so survival lasts a little longer.

I’ve grown much, yet this one thread of darkness keeps pulling at us.   I heard My personality presents with strength and survivor skills.   But who would choose to spend life scrapping and surviving – with knowledge of some thing/one with ill-intent looking to make it difficult?   I often ask the universe how long we will experience this storm?

This cancer is (from my perspective)…  brought on by intense life stressors and toxic relationships over time.  I do make every effort to improve, and I can see progress.  Some issues are just an invisible REALITY for 19 years.

Thinking about the last half of my surviving life…

Anyway.  I have it on good authority:  any person seeking to destroy another person or group, won’t give up trying.  The silver lining is… I can find ways to manage my own stress and emotions.  I can breathe. I can walk away. Ground myself.  Storms do not last forever.   Life goes on, with or without us, but our attitude must be checked daily if we want to keep going forward.   I am mindful to not lose faith, hope, or strength.  It is important for me to forgive myself for things I cannot change.

Cancer… I have to say… thank you.   Thank you for showing up and giving me 2 full months of hospitalization…. (alone-time-rest) aka- only real vacation I had in 14 years during that time.   Multiple Myeloma… thank you for putting me in terminal illness category.  Without those social security benefits, I would have struggled more to care for my kids.   Cancer thank you for letting me face real fear and survive. Thank you for almost killing me… Through fighting and beating YOU… I found strength to defeat the other monsters in life.  It is impossible to wrap my brain around the depravity of some humans in this world.   Fighting Cancer has been a cake walk in comparison!

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